Bonding Together

There are many who choose only to have one or two children.  When you have your first child it is hard because it can add to stress financially, and time-wise, as well as emotionally, mentally, and physically.  It is also something you have never experienced before and it is a lot of work.  At this point the wife is likely to have taken over in most of the responsibilities, leaving her husband behind and only really bonding with the child.  When baby number two comes around the wife is usually still trying to take care of all the responsibilities of being a parent by herself, and being able to get by.  This baby adds some more stress and again the husband can continue to take little to no part.  What people don't realize and understand is that when the third child comes into the picture, the family starts coming together.  The mom finds that she only has two hands and cannot handle a third child without help.  At this point a lot of times the husband will start to help and take part, as well as the other children.  This can really help in bonding a family together because everyone is providing help to one another and working together as a family.  Continuing on to have the third child can really change the dynamics of the family and how their family system works, the wife is now practically forced to allow others to help.  I know that in my family, I can remember multiple times when I helped in taking care of my siblings.  I can also remember my older siblings helping out as well.  I really do feel that we are close partly because of that reason, that there were seven of us and my mom and dad could not have done it alone, we all helped in changing diapers, feeding, and babysitting so that my parents could spend some time together. 

Another thing that people, especially women, should consider is that when you and your husband are pregnant it is meant to be something you share together.  Think about it, you couldn't have even gotten pregnant without him.  Instead of always complaining that you are in pain or that it is such a terrible thing, show him that it is exciting, help him to experience the excitement.  Help him to know that this baby is just as much a part of his life as they are in yours.  Let him help you and include him when you go to the doctor, he may seem uninterested, but if you continue to include him and the more he participates, the closer you, your husband, and the baby will come.  When it comes time for delivery it is best if it is just you him and the doctors in the room.  You need to make it clear to your family that this is your child and not let them feel like they can take over.  After you have the baby be sure to let him help in changing the diapers, feeding, getting the bathwater ready, and don't get upset if the water isn't as warm as you would have it.  Neither of you is perfect and you're both still learning, the better the experience and response that he gets the more likely they will want to help and be a part of raising the child which will help to ease a lot of the stress off of both of you. 

Dating is the Solution

The average person in the United States goes on 1 to 2 dates a year.  I find that to be very sad because that is how you get to know people and who they truly are.  Some choose to cohabit because they believe that it will help them get to know them and when you look at it, it should work, but studies have found that it is not the case.  Those who cohabit are more likely to have future marriages that end in divorce, or to have their partner cheat on them.  They are not committed to one another because they didn't start out having a commitment, they started out "pretending" to be married without the actual security of being married. 

Dating is the perfect solution to actually getting to know someone if you do it right.  A date is when you are paired off with someone, other than just "hanging out".  It is also something that is planned.  When you don't plan what you are going to do before you go on a date it usually turns into just "hanging out", or that it never ends, which can keep you from wanting any further dates with that person.  Also a date should be paid for.  I believe it should be paid for by whoever did the asking, although many expect the guy to always pay.  When these three things are incorporated into a date it will be a perfect way to feel like they are actually taking the time to get to know you and with continuous dating in different situations, you will begin to see who they really are.  What I was taught is that no one is perfect we all come with flaws, so pick the ones that you can live with.  Divorce is not an option. 

Same-Sex Attraction

Men and women are different and we were created that way.  Many people believe that same-sex attraction is genetic or that it is something you are born with, though it has never been proven that this is the case.  Heavenly Father doesn't create sin, we do.  There are some males or females who don't have the "defined" characteristics of their gender.  When boys especially, have feminine characteristics their dads distance themselves from their sons leaving only their moms for influence.  These boys find that they make friends with girls more easily than with boys, and when they eventually reach the stage where most boys become interested in girls nothing is different for them.  They have been around girls all growing up, and still long for inclusion with the guys.  Children tease them right from the beginning calling them gay, although they don't really know what it means.  The boy eventually gives in and really truly believes that they have been gay all along.

Value of Money

When I think about social classes I consider most of where they are formed is from the amount of money people have.  Even looking back in history your social class and status/title was all based on how much money you had.

For me the difference between those who have money and those who don’t is best explained and portrayed in the movie called “The Ultimate Gift”.  There is a family who has had money given to them their entire lives and they don’t know how to live without it.  In their world it is all about materials and the main character has never even had to work for his money.  His family is so consumed by money that they are cruel to one another, family is the last thing they care about.  He learns that there are more important things in life when he meets a little girl who shows him that there are so many other things in life that make you happy, than just the amount of money you have.

 

I know that there are definitely different situations, because everybody is different.  I think the biggest difference is shown in how they earned it and what they choose to do with it.  If they just inherit it from their parents then they will probably never learn what it is like to go without or the value of working.  If they have to work for it they are more likely to appreciate their money because they worked hard to earn it, and it wasn’t just given to them.  I know that a lot of us today are so focused on our things, but hopefully we never forget what this life is really about, our families.   

The Unspoken Rules

Within every family you will find that there are unspoken rules, that you most likely learned from experience without it ever having to be explained to you.  Yesterday I was watching my niece Katelyn who will be three in July, and I picked up on some things that she has clearly learned from her own experiences at home.  I had left the light on in the bedroom and she told me that I needed to turn it off.  She had to learn it from somewhere so her parents, Emily and Brandon, probably tell her or each other not to leave the light on.  Also I noticed that after every time we got something out and she was done playing with it she would put it all away.  I know her mother Emily loves to organize and have things clean so I'm sure she has told her to clean up many times.  From another time when we were at their house Brandon had gotten upset with her about something and Katelyn went to the corner and was just standing there looking down.  When her dad noticed he told her that she wasn't in trouble and didn't need to stand in the corner.  I realized myself without having to be told that that was the way Emily and Brandon chose to discipline her, and Katelyn recognizing her dad was upset, went there without having to be told.  I find it fascinating that she is only three yet she can pick up on these rules, which is why I think so many of us may find it hard to recognize our family's rules.  To us it is normal and that is just what you do,  we have grown up with those rules, but to anyone else who isn't part of your family, they can usually pick up on them pretty quickly.

The World Without Children

Everything we choose to do or not do can have an enormous impact on future generations.  After recently watching Demographic Winter I have become more enlightened about the impact we make by choosing to postpone, or deny ourselves the privilege of having children.  Our generation has shifted to individualistic thinking where we no longer feel that we need to get married or to have children, we can do it all on our own.  What many people don't realize though is how much we need children in everything, and how much the family is the fundamental unit of society, the unit of growth and development.  If we continue to have less children every generation, we will live to see it's effects that it makes on us and our world.  Our thoughts will become even more focused on ourselves because we will never learn what it is like to have someone depend on us completely for survival.  There is something about having someone who needs you desperately that makes you a better person.  People who have children and who marry think less of themselves because they learn that life is about others, if there weren't others we would have no reason for living.   

Who do you believe will be most effected by those who choose not to have children?