Bonding Together

There are many who choose only to have one or two children.  When you have your first child it is hard because it can add to stress financially, and time-wise, as well as emotionally, mentally, and physically.  It is also something you have never experienced before and it is a lot of work.  At this point the wife is likely to have taken over in most of the responsibilities, leaving her husband behind and only really bonding with the child.  When baby number two comes around the wife is usually still trying to take care of all the responsibilities of being a parent by herself, and being able to get by.  This baby adds some more stress and again the husband can continue to take little to no part.  What people don't realize and understand is that when the third child comes into the picture, the family starts coming together.  The mom finds that she only has two hands and cannot handle a third child without help.  At this point a lot of times the husband will start to help and take part, as well as the other children.  This can really help in bonding a family together because everyone is providing help to one another and working together as a family.  Continuing on to have the third child can really change the dynamics of the family and how their family system works, the wife is now practically forced to allow others to help.  I know that in my family, I can remember multiple times when I helped in taking care of my siblings.  I can also remember my older siblings helping out as well.  I really do feel that we are close partly because of that reason, that there were seven of us and my mom and dad could not have done it alone, we all helped in changing diapers, feeding, and babysitting so that my parents could spend some time together. 

Another thing that people, especially women, should consider is that when you and your husband are pregnant it is meant to be something you share together.  Think about it, you couldn't have even gotten pregnant without him.  Instead of always complaining that you are in pain or that it is such a terrible thing, show him that it is exciting, help him to experience the excitement.  Help him to know that this baby is just as much a part of his life as they are in yours.  Let him help you and include him when you go to the doctor, he may seem uninterested, but if you continue to include him and the more he participates, the closer you, your husband, and the baby will come.  When it comes time for delivery it is best if it is just you him and the doctors in the room.  You need to make it clear to your family that this is your child and not let them feel like they can take over.  After you have the baby be sure to let him help in changing the diapers, feeding, getting the bathwater ready, and don't get upset if the water isn't as warm as you would have it.  Neither of you is perfect and you're both still learning, the better the experience and response that he gets the more likely they will want to help and be a part of raising the child which will help to ease a lot of the stress off of both of you.