Divorce and Remarriage

When divorce first was brought about it was a lot harder to do.  Someone had to have done something really terrible in order for you to even be considered to be allowed to get a divorce.  It was a long painful process to go through and very few people were able to get one.  Thinking that we could make it easier on the parents and adults they started the no fault divorce where you can basically get a divorce just because you want one, you don't need any reason.  Before the parent who was the "good guy" was the one who would get the custody of the children, but when the no fault divorce was passed there was no longer a good and bad guy.  Now instead of it being hard on the adults to get a divorce, the burden has been passed to the children because they are now split between two different families, most of the time blaming themselves for the divorce of their parents.  A lot of divorces happen because of money, although once you get a divorce the financial situation worsens because they are now paying for two homes, two cars instead of the one.  Fathers have to move at an average of 400 miles away in order to get a better job to help pay.  A lot of times the mother gets the custody of the children and has to get a job to pay for everything.  When the children go to visit their dad he usually tends to "spoil" them.  This isn't necessarily because he is trying to win the affection of his children turning it into a contest between the two parents, but because he is trying to make up for lost time because he isn't around and so he wants to just have fun with them.  This can create a false image for the children, making them believe that their dad is the fun one and that they don't need to work, they can just play all the time.  Also a lot of times fathers don't realize how much their family needs them.  Studies have found that 70% of couples that said they were very dissatisfied with their marriage would later say they were very or mostly satisfied with their marriage after 5 years.  They also found that 70% of those who divorced say they wish they didn't get divorced and that they wish they would have stayed together.

Studies have found that people who remarry after a divorce are more likely to divorce again.  It is never an easy thing to try to create a new family with the old one never really gone.  A lot of times when a child's parent remarries the new parent feels the need to discipline, while the biological parent then feels the need to protect their children because they love them.  If the two parents don't communicate what is going on with each other they will continue to struggle and the situation will continue to worsen.  It is suggested that the new parent should take more of an aunt or uncle roll for about two years letting the biological parent do the main disciplining (being respective of the other parent of course), and then after the two years they should take more of a parental role. 

Also sometimes people will start drinking because that is their way of coping with the stress (instead of communicating their problems with each other) then their drinking becomes the blaming source for their marital problems, even though they were there before they started drinking.